STORYTIME KIDS: The Legend of CEPHUS HARRIS

Today, you are going to learn about the story of a man with SEVERE identity crisis. And so the story goes...

There once was a man who went by the name Cephus Harris and he had dreams of being a SINGER (MAMA I WANT TO SING!). So Cephus embarked upon a journey towards fame and fortune. He happened upon a wizard who granted Cephus his wish. Several days later Cephus awoke to find himself somewhat of an androgenous looking woman with SUPERIOR Matrix skills. Alas, the wizard forgot to grant him vocal chops. He reasoned that this was perhaps for the best and he would "fake it till he made it." (Little did he know that this was never going to happen)

The wizard re-appeared and bestowed unto Cephus a box. In this box was his new identity - Ciara, Matrix attire and a record called Goodies. A storybook beginning wouldn't you say? This mysterious Goodies was a hit by all standards. But then something happened! Word began to spread through the countryside that Ciara was in fact a man who couldn't actually sing and the people grew suspicious. Sadly, Cephus began to fade into obscurity despite releasing record after record.....



Then a curious thing occured. Cephus started observing the prolonged reign the Queen of R&B Music - Beyonce had been experiencing since the moment she had released her first record. He thought to himself, "Why can't I just mimick Queen Bey?" Cephus was a smart man and he knew that Queen Beyonce was the BEST in the land. So then he did this.....






AND even this....




And the Queen's subjects were in an uproar. There was an uprising throughout the land!!! But the Queen was above all that petty nonesense and she never responded to Cephus' shenninghans. Cephus was defiant. He had already enlisted the help of one known to ruin many a singing career of the people of this R&B land, the one Jester Takeabreak. Cephus paraded himself like a slave over Jester and the people laughed. Cephus was desperate and he sought to tell his story. He blabbed about being the originator of Her Majesty's ideas even though the people had already seen these ideas before. This further angered the Queen's people and relegated Cephus to a pariah. Still the Queen did not respond. Soon the Queen will be holding a celebratory feast for all her people where they will dine on the rich banquet Her Majesty always provides at these events.


And what of Cephus you may ask? Well, there is a Princess in another land recovering from terrible times. Cephus will act as an opening singer to this Princess' feast, which is known throughout all the lands to be quite dull indeed! And so ends the story of Cephus Harris.

THE END!